The other day I was having a discussion with someone when the subject of chivalry came up.  He said he believed chivalry still had a pulse, challenging the theory that chivalry is dead.

I thought about this for a moment and responded that if chivalry does indeed have a pulse, it’s a weak one at that.  Then, I thought about it some more and came to the following conclusion:

If chivalry is still alive, it’s on life support. 

And to make matters worse, some asshole checked the Do Not Resuscitate box.

Looking up the definition of chivalry, I found two meanings.

Meaning #1: Chivalry is a system of values that knights in the Middle Ages were expected to follow.

Meaning #2:  Chivalry is an honorable and polite way of behaving, especially towards women.

These days, most of us think of the latter when the topic of chivalry comes up.  However, the word itself originated during medieval times, publicizing the “Knightly System” and its religious, moral, and social code.  Reading deeper into this definition, the qualities expected of an “ideal” knight are that of courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.

Therefore, if I am reading this as if it were the Middle Ages, the knight is chivalrous towards a woman because she is weak, correct?  And from there, he morphs into her “Knight in Shining Armor” and saves said woman from difficult and dangerous situations.

This is definitely one of those things that makes you go hmmm…

Medieval knights sound a lot like our heroes from the fairy tales.  You know the ones I’m talking about – those handsome princes who rescue our young, sweet, innocent, (unnaturally skinny), heroines from a life of misery and despair, which, in enchanted times, translates to living unhappily ever after at the helm of meaner, angrier, uglier women.

However, in this age appropriate princess’s modern day Forty Tale, it is easy to conclude, (or at least argue), that women aren’t being rescued by men anymore.  In fact, we’re not being rescued by anyone, other than ourselves.

So, with all this said, is there still a place for chivalry in our society?  It’s a very old-fashioned word, and these are now very contemporary times.  Times filled with the #metoo movement and predators like Harvey Weinstein & Co.  Times where women want to be empowered, not rescued…

Or, do they?

If anything, these are murky and confusing times.  I’m not sure what I’m supposed to believe or who I’m supposed to trust anymore.

As for the men out there, I feel bad for them.  A lot of them were baffled about women to begin with, and now, I think many are just downright afraid…as they should be.

Let’s face it.  The poor bastards don’t stand a chance.

I think the #metoo movement has shed much needed light on a daunting subject.  Lord knows I’ve dealt with my share of inappropriate situations– I’ve been groped, flashed, stalked, verbally accosted and even licked!  (Yes, you read that right. Licked!)  #yuck

When I was young, this behavior certainly surprised me, as I hung on to my innocence a little longer than most.  But, after a while, rather than seeing it as unacceptable behavior, (which it absolutely was), it became almost normal.  Granted, the incidents mentioned above were isolated, and while I may have briefly mentioned one or two in therapy over the years, (again, I was licked, people…twice!), thankfully, none have caused any permanent damage.

I’m not hardcore enough to be labeled a feminist.  But, with that said, I certainly believe in equal rights and fair treatment, but not just for women, for everyone.  No one deserves to feel inadequate or uncomfortable, especially because of who they are or what they believe.  However, in this day and age, I feel like we focus so much on our differences, instead of uniting one another, we are creating an even greater divide.  And it’s because of this that we can’t move forward, and we can’t do or say anything without being judged, scrutinized or criticized.

How did the world get this way?  And more important, did the knights have to deal with this shit?

Harassment stems from issues with power, anger, hatred, jealousy and insecurity.

BOTTOM LINE: IT IS NOT OKAY.

And it’s not just men against women.  Look at the Real Housewives!  These are women that literally tear each other down at every chance they get…over STUPID stuff…serving utensils, outfit choices, even doormats!  Yes, you read that correctly: DOORMATS!  And I watch this crap!  (Real Housewives of New York is on tonight!  Woot!  Woot!) 

But I digress.

When did everything become so cutthroat and desensitized?  Why is everything either black or white?  Can’t things be both?  Those two colors go so well together.  And what about gray?  Gray is such a beautiful neutral color.

There is a distinct difference between right and wrong.  I’m not arguing anything otherwise.  Yet, in the days of he said, she said, there is so much anger and hatred in the air – nobody listens to one another anymore, and things are taken too far.

Is it bad that I just want to escape to a simpler time?

I actually think this is part of my problem.  I was born in the wrong era.  I should have been born in the Grace Kelly-era, where women dressed up on a regular basis, (in clothes that covered their tits and asses), and didn’t feel the need to berate and chastise a man for holding a door open, or, even more blatant, trying to hold their hand.

In 2018, I guess it’s safe to say that chivalry is outdated – maybe even nearing extinction.  However, in my book, I firmly believe it still holds true.  Chivalry has merit, but, like most things in the world today, it needs to be approached differently, and more cautiously.

This blog in no way condones any sort of harassment or mistreatment.  I just want people to be nice to each other.  I feel like we stopped doing that at some point.

Can’t we all just get along???

As an equal opportunist, I think we should bring back the Knight’s System, but everyone should have to abide by it – men, women, and everything in-between.  There’s just something to those knightly qualities.  After all, how hard is it to be cordial to others?  To be courteous?  To be kind and honorable?  I think we as a society make it harder than it actually is, and during everyone’s aggressive quest for empowerment and justice, we’ve forgotten how to treat each other with respect and consider any sign of vulnerability or compassion to be “un-PC” or weak.

This comes back to an idea I introduced a few blogs ago, the idea of the co-rescue.  I know in “PC” terms, I’m solely supposed to rescue myself…no pun intended.  And, I think over the course of the last 25 years or so, I’ve done just that.  I have remained employed, in one piece, with a roof over my head, a vehicle in my garage, two hefty cats on my lap, and a blog I write to entertain my six readers.  (I might actually be up to seven now.)  #ifonly

Yet, when I went through a difficult time, as much as I wanted to rescue myself, and as hard as I tried, I failed…miserably.  I needed help, and even though it took everything I had left in me, (which wasn’t much), I asked for it, received it, and learned from it.  It truly does takes a village!  With the help of family, friends, and my significant other, Zoloft, (I call him Lofty for short), I managed to find my way out of that dark tower, and back into the light, on solid ground.

And I would do the same for anyone else…man, woman, and everything in-between.

You see, that’s what the co-rescue is all about.  It’s not about man verses woman.  It’s not about saving someone from a fire breathing dragon or pulling someone from the Black Hole.  Although, if I’m ever in either of those situations, I would appreciate a little back up.

The co-rescue is about support, encouragement and respect.  It’s about building each other up and being there for one another…no strings, no terms, no conditions, no ultimatums.  The co-rescue may have been erected from ideas of yesteryear, but it’s definitely evolved over time, and is now completely all-inclusive.

Which brings me back to the subject at hand.  Regarding men and their “treatment” of women these days, I can’t tell if they are scared to be chivalrous because of the #metoo movement or if they are merely using that movement as an excuse not to be chivalrous.  #copout

Really guys, is it that difficult to be polite?  You don’t need to squeeze a women’s derriere or send a dick pic to show interest.  A friendly, nonthreatening smile is all we need.

And here’s where my old-fashioned, dressed-up self takes a stand:  The word chivalry may be passé, but I will happily accept the action – anytime, any day, any place – no shame, regret or judgement.

So fellas…

If you want to open the door for me…go for it.

If you want to tell me how pretty I look…speak up so everyone can hear you.

If you want to drape your coat over my bare shoulders on a cold night…Mazel tov!

And if you want to carry me through the rain to protect my pretty shoes…lift from the knees, I’ve got a lot of junk in my trunk. 

Honestly, even in this tangled, chaotic, effed-up world, I think people still want to believe in fairy tales, they just can’t admit it.  Although, they kind of don’t have to.

Take the upcoming royal wedding for example.  Millions of people are making plans to watch Prince Harry and Meghan Markle take that fateful walk down the aisle.  The hype has been ongoing for months.  People are rooting for them.  People can’t get enough of their love story.  People want them to live happily ever after.  I wonder what makes them so appealing?  Could it be… #corescue

I guess this brings me back to the original question…does chivalry still have a pulse?  I don’t know for sure, but I really, truly, sincerely hope it does.  #pleaseresuscitate 

And she lived cordially, respectfully, and hopefully ever after.