As I’ve entered my forties, I’ve noticed that the men I have dated have not wanted to rescue me so much, but rather, fix me.

I didn’t realize I was broken.  But apparently, I am.

WARNING: Imperfect Woman Ahead. Proceed with Caution.

Broken, damaged, weak, fragile…forty.  It’s a wonder I can get men to date me at all.

Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate constructive criticism – (to a point) – and I do believe that when you are in a relationship, it’s good to encourage your significant other to be the best version of themselves that they can.  BUT, there is an enormous difference between inspiring someone, and badgering someone.

And boy, lately, I have been badgered.

As an unmarried woman in her forties, I am automatically labeled as Damaged Goods.  I am brainwashed, (along with the rest of the world), to believe that there is something truly wrong with me, and I should be grateful to any man who gives me the time of day.

Because again…and I can’t stress this enough…I’m over forty.

This is a huge role reversal from what we were taught in the classic fairy tales.  In those stories, it was always the man that was considered the “beast”.  And it took the admiration and kiss from a perfect (young) princess to transform him into the perfect prince.

What a bunch of hooey.

Relationships aren’t about being perfect!  They are about acceptance and tolerance and…flawed individuals.  After all…

Nobody’s perfect, people!

You might enter a relationship thinking that you can change someone, but the odds of that happening are slim to none, especially as we get older.  I’m not saying that change is impossible.  However, if a person wants to make a change, it is within that person to do so.  Nobody else.

For instance, I am very aware that I have some things I need to work on in my life, and I am really trying to improve positively.  It took me a while to get here, but I have arrived!  And that’s all that really matters.

These improvements that I am making are beneficial to both my well-being, and my future relationships.  Honestly, I don’t think I was truly ready for a happy, healthy relationship until I started to do this work on myself.

And that is the reason I’m currently single, (aka, what’s wrong with me).

Readers Note:  I wish I would have figured this out sooner – I would have saved a butt load of money on therapy.  Why didn’t I start this blog sooner?  Why?  Why, I ask?!?!?

I think we’re all generally aware of our flaws and weaknesses.  We may not want to admit them out loud, and we could very well be in denial, but come on, we know that they exist.

This brings me to my relationship with Prince Fix-It.  Ladies, I think you know this guy.  He’s entered your life to mend your broken ways.  At first, the generous offer of refurbishment is appreciated.  But after a while, it just becomes exhausting and repetitious.

Personally, I had to hear about my many (many) flaws and imperfections, quite frequently.  Every visit.  Every meal.  Every chat.  Here’s what’s wrong with Tracy, and here’s what she should do to fix herself.

This unsolicited advice was helpful… TO A POINT.  After a while, it just became draining, as I was constantly worried and embarrassed about not only how I acted, but how I looked, the decisions I made, and so forth.  I soon became even more of a nervous wreck than I was, (which is saying a lot), and I started to drink more, gain weight, became very depressed, and was in a general state of hopelessness…all the time.

Now obviously, this wasn’t all because of what was happening with Prince Fix-It.  The bulk of it was what was happening within myself.  However, when you continually have someone pointing out the things you are the most insecure about – and sometimes even using these things as ammo to bring you down – you realize that people do indeed see what you are most self-conscious about, and they do indeed qualify these characteristics as defects.

Bottom line, I can mentally beat myself up just fine without help from others.  I’m a great multi-tasker.

Looking back, I don’t feel that Prince Fix-It’s continuous counsel was entirely coming from a bad place.  Yet, I do feel he focused more on my faults to take the attention off himself.  Because again…

Nobody’s perfect, people!

Prince Fix-It’s constant badgering was a way to make him feel superior, covering up his own imperfections by solely concentrating on mine.  As time passed, I just wanted a little less conversation and a little more action, because I finally came to the realization that I need someone to build me up and love my imperfections, as opposed to dwelling on them and telling me how I should get rid of them.  I pay professionals to do that.  All I need from my prince is to be there for me and love me.  As for everything else…

There is a vast difference between someone having red flags, and someone merely being human.  I’m not totally sure what my personal flaws are to other people.  After all…

  • I sometimes lack confidence in my abilities.
  • I’m insecure around other people.
  • I care too much what others think.
  • I worry about everything.
  • I cry too much and snort when I laugh.
  • My anxiety RULES.
  • I don’t speak up.
  • I hold things in.
  • I have trouble asking for help.
  • When I’m nervous my hands shake and my palms sweat…and the back of my knees and feet sweat too!
  • My left leg is significantly larger than my right one.
  • I let my cats run the house.
  • Too much carbonation makes me burp.
  • I have a collection of both bobble head dolls AND Barbie Dolls.
  • I have the Spice Girl’s Wannabe on my playlist, and I sing along with it every time it comes on.

Crap!  I’ve said too much.  No man will ever love me now.

In the fairy tales, girls are taught that we need to be rescued, because apparently, we can’t do it by ourselves.  In the Forty Tales, rather than being rescued, our age appropriate princesses are just looking to be encouraged and supported.  I don’t think that’s a lot to ask.

We’ve got the rescue sh*t covered.

As a child, my favorite fairy tale was the Frog Prince, a sweet story about a prince who had been turned into a frog by an evil witch, and had to win over a young princess, (warts and all), to be returned to his natural state.  He eventually befriends said young princess, who learns to love him, (warts and all), and she rescues him by giving him a kiss and breaking the spell.

And Princess Fix-It was born.

Honestly, I think we’re all frogs – we have our good qualities, but we have our warts too.  And rather than figuring out how to get these warts removed, we should embrace them, as they are what makes us who we are.  They are what makes us human.  Of course, deep down, I think I’m more frog than princess…and I’m good with that.

When I was young, I was holding out for Prince Charming, and instead, I got Prince Fix-It.

Nowadays, I’m holding out for my Frog Prince.  And I know he’s out there…and he will be very accepting of this very age appropriate, flawed, Frog Princess…warts and all.

And She Lived Hopefully Ever After…