Although I am an only child, I was blessed with a baby sister, even though we are not related by blood.  Her name is Erin Smith, and she is, among many other things, beautiful, intelligent, loving, caring, independent, supportive, charismatic, inspiring and strong. 

And, like me, Erin is unwed, single and childless. 

She recently turned forty, and my goal is to rescue her from all the perceived notions that will emerge as she enters this next phase.  Fortunately, I’ve done the legwork on these pitfalls, so now she won’t have to.  I’ve documented my findings in the letter below.  Not only do I hope this comes as a source of encouragement for Erin, but also to anyone who may be struggling with similar life challenges, or, on the brink of turning forty themselves. 

And, if that is the case…

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!     

Dear Erin,

Congratulations!  You made it to forty.  I don’t mean to call out your age, but it kind of goes with my theme here.  😉

Turning forty is a huge milestone in one’s life, and some deal with it better than others.  I, unfortunately, was not one of those people.  My early forties brought much fear, depression and anxiety, and actually turned me into a person I would eventually fail to recognize.

But don’t panic!  I’m not trying to scare you.  In fact, I’m here to report that the stress I absorbed from this momentous birthday was both unfounded and unnecessary, and the trauma sustained was self-inflicted.  Luckily, the real Tracy has returned, (she’s baaaack), and I can now share with you what I learned over the last few years so you can make a much smoother transition than I did.

Follow these simple, (and yes, very clichéd), steps below, and you will avoid the forty “pity party” and start celebrating this new and exciting chapter in your life.

  1. Love yourself. Love your body.  Easier said than done.  If it seems impossible, start with accepting yourself, and I guarantee that acceptance will eventually grow into love.  As for your body, be thankful for what you have and learn to live with what YOU consider to be your flaws.  I have cankles.  I have childbearing hips, (which is kind of ironic if you think about it).  Flaunt what you’ve got; it’s a part of who you are.  And if you don’t want to, then simply ignore it.  Nobody else sees what you see.
  2. Be confident. If you’re not confident, fake it.  Nobody needs to know or see what a hot mess you are.  And chances are, they are a hot mess too!
  3. Balance is everything. I finally get this!  I just wish I got it sooner.  Don’t shortchange your personal life for your work life.  You will regret it, and eventually come to resent it.  One of life’s best kept secrets…it’s entirely possible to do a good job at work AND have time for yourself.  And whether it’s your profession or your individual passion, (or, if you’re one of the lucky ones, both), make sure you are doing something you love as often as possible.
  4. Nobody’s perfect, so don’t even try. And those who appear to be perfect are more than likely the furthest thing from it.  Perfection is exhausting, and mostly a ruse designed to have you strive for the unattainable.  Just be true to yourself, and in regards to others, don’t confuse perfection with intimidation.  Those who try to intimidate you are really just insecure about themselves.
  5. Get off the couch and go outside. Take it from someone who spent most of her free time in 2016 curled up in the fetal position worrying about…well, everything.  (Talk about being counterproductive!)  Remain active, go outside and enjoy the sunshine.  Just remember to always wear sunscreen…you burn easily.
  6. Smile a lot. Laugh even more.  Doctor’s orders!  Try not to take life, or yourself, too seriously.  If balance is everything, a sense of humor is beyond.
  7. It’s okay to be alone. Just don’t succumb to loneliness.  It’s easy to shut yourself off from the world, but completely unwarranted.  You are loved and you are NOT alone.  Don’t ever forget that.
  8. Release yourself from the drama…ASAP! Even if it’s not your personal drama, you can easily get sucked into others.  To avoid this, only surround yourself with positive people and don’t let anyone bring you down, including yourself.
  9. Don’t get too caught up in social media. Beware, it’s more damaging than you think.  What is disguised as cherished moments, (i.e., engagement, wedding, and baby photos), is actually a cesspool of images dragging you deep down into the abyss of darkness.  Just stick to watching the cat videos.  There is nothing detrimental about a cat riding a Rumba across the living room floor and crashing into a wall.
  10. Your time is valuable, don’t let others waste it. On the flipside of that, be respectful of other people’s time.  Never say you’re too busy.  Even if you are, there’s no need to make someone feel they are not worthy of your time.
  11. Make mistakes and always forgive yourself. This is how you learn and grow into the person you want to be.  Just try not to make any “Dateline-worthy” mistakes…those are hard to bounce back from.
  12. Age gracefully. Avoid the clown lips, fat suckers, face pullers, and ginormous boobs.  No need to try so hard.  You are beautiful just as you are.  Channel Grace Kelly.  And if you don’t know who that is…just DON’T channel any of the Kardashians.
  13. Play dress up as often as possible. But keep in mind, at your newfound age, it’s time to become “age appropriate” with your style.  You can show off what you’ve got without showing off everything.  You will still turn heads, I promise.
  14. Don’t over-tweeze your eyebrows. I’ve learned this one the hard way.  If I’ve reached you too late, may I recommend the Dior Universal Brow Styler…an actual lifesaver…or should I say brow-saver?
  15. Don’t judge. Don’t be selfish.  Don’t be jealous.   All don’ts that are easy to do.  Try not to.  Along those same lines:  Don’t compete.  There will always be someone younger, prettier, smarter and so on.  And then, they will be forty.  It’s the circle of life.  Just let it all go and you’ll be a better person for it.  (How many Disney references can I make here?)
  16. Always be generous and charitable. Especially with your love, time, commitments, and support.  The world does not revolve around you.  By helping and supporting others, life remains in perspective and you remain grounded.  Compassion is a virtue – use it wisely.
  17. Seek help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for assistance when you need it.  Whether it be talking to a friend, family member, doctor, therapist, etc.  By doing so, things will get better…eventually.  In the meantime, always remember that you are NEVER a bother, especially to those who love you.
  18. Make time for your parents and those you love most. Life is short.  PERIOD.
  19. Don’t look back and try to avoid the blame game. These actions will definitely keep you from getting to where you want to go.  Try not to dwell too much on the past, what others have done to you, and the things you don’t have.  Keep moving forward – it takes a lot less energy and gets you closer to where you want to be, much faster.
  20. Stop giving a shit.  And stop caring so much about what people think of you.  It’s a waste of time that leads to needless anxiety, stress and worry.  Once you stop caring, you will be free.
  21. Don’t settle. Take it from me, this will only get harder as you get older and settling will become more and more of a temptation.  Whatever you decide to do, just be happy.
  22. No regrets. I’m not sure if it is possible to be 100% regret-free in one’s life, but it’s certainly something to work towards.  Take chances.  Say how you feel.  Be your honest, authentic self, and never be apologetic or ashamed of who you are.  You’re a rock star.  Always.
  23. Don’t stop believing. Not only the BEST Journey song ever, but also a great motto!  Don’t ever stop believing in yourself.  I will never stop believing in you.
  24. It’s never too late. Life is a long journey with many twists and turns that will come few and far in-between.  You’re going to want to give up, but don’t.  You’re stuck in the middle right now, which represents the bulk of your story.  There’s still way more to come, so merely relax and stay tuned.
  25. Just Breathe. You’ve got this.

They say forty is the new twenty, but who really wants to be twenty again, (with the exception of the Real Housewives)?  I say forty is the new YOU.  Now continue moving forward and make your own Forty Tale!

Love Always,

Tracy