I can’t remember exactly when my fascination with the Real Housewives began, but I do know it’s something I haven’t been able to shake for quite some time.  And I’m not entirely sure why.  Over the years, the franchise has become quite formulaic.  Each season (each city) presents a group of women who get dressed up, go to parties, and fight with each other over quite possibly the stupidest reasons EVER.  Episode 1: The Housewives go to a party and an argument ensues.  Episode 2: The Housewives talk about the argument in nearly every scene and then eventually agree to be cordial to one another at future parties.  Episode 3: The Housewives go to a party and an argument ensues.

And so on and so forth.

I must admit, I’ve grown tired of all the fighting.  I know it makes for good TV, but in reality, which is what this show claims to be, if people truly had this much confrontation on a daily basis, there would be no time for anything else, including family, careers and real friends…you know, the kind you actually like and don’t feel the need to throw a glass of wine in their face every time you see them.

But even so, my fascination with these obnoxious ladies continues.  I just can’t help but be intrigued by their lifestyles and their relationships and their fashion and their pets’ fashion and their homes and their Botox and, most of all, their need and relentless drive to remain relevant.

I recognize that it’s kind of weird to be so captivated by such a group of women at my age.  In fact, the last time I was this enthralled by an infamous ensemble was when I was a child and infatuated with a bunch of fairy tale princesses.  Like most young girls, I wanted to be Cinderella and hang out with Snow White.  And when it comes to the Housewives, I guess the same can be said, as there are aspects of their lives’ I wish I could transfer to my own.  There is a direct correlation between the princesses and the Housewives, as the princesses’ lives stopped at Happily Ever After, and the Housewives spend each dramatic season searching for theirs.

I often wonder what ever happened to the princesses after Happily Ever After.  Did they age?  Do they have children?  Are they still married?  How would their Tale read today?

If the princesses existed in today’s world, I figure at this point in their lives, their images would more than likely need a revamp.  Cinderella’s kids are probably grown and she’s trying to reinvent herself as a shoe designer.  And Snow White’s Prince probably left her for a younger woman and she’s now secretly dating one of the seven dwarfs…or possibly all of them.  And Belle’s looks have probably faded and after several botched plastic surgeries, she’s now the one referred to as “Beast”.  And Aurora, who already slept half her life away, is now wide awake and probably in need of a vehicle to help promote awareness of her tireless fight against narcolepsy, which she fights with numerous prescription drugs.  And poor, poor Rapunzel.  She’s probably realizing that it’s finally time to seek the psychiatric help she needs for being locked away in a tower for all those years.

Perhaps these princesses need a reality show of their own.  Anyone else interested in watching The Real Princesses of Far Far Away?

What would it take for these fictional princesses to become Real Housewives?  And for that matter, what about me?  How do I get closer to obtaining my own Real Housewife Princess status?  Or, Real Princess Housewife status?

For starters, all Real Housewives have a tagline.  This is that one special sentence at the beginning of each show that gives viewers a glimpse at who they are.  Some of the best (and definitely worst) Housewife taglines are:

Lisa Vanderpump, Beverley Hills: I’m passionate about dogs, just not crazy about bitches.  

Phaedra Parks, Atlanta:  Only God can judge me, and he seems quite impressed.

Kristen Taekman, New York  I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I’m pretty!

Joanna Krupa, Miami:  Don’t hate me because I have it all, hate me because I’m beautiful.

Alexis Bellino, Orange County:  God is my savior, my husband is my king, and my body? It’s sinful.                          

                                         –

So, what would our fairy tale princesses’ taglines be?  If I had to guess, I think they’d go something like this:

Cinderella, Far Far Away:  You may think you know me from the fairy tales, but you’ll never truly understand me until you’ve walked a mile in my glass slippers.

Snow White, Far Far Away:  When it comes to the men in my life, size really does matter.

Belle, Far Far Away:  They say Beauty runs within.  But I say, there’s nothing wrong with having a little Beast in you.

Aurora, Far Far Away:  People say I’ve slept my way to the top.  I say I woke up just in time to live out my dreams.

Rapunzel, Far Far Away:  Most women believe the key to life is stability.  I believe you haven’t lived until you let your hair down.

And what about me?  What would my tagline be?  It would probably go something like this:

Once upon a time, there was a woman still searching for her happy ending, but she continued to live life hopefully ever after.

Or…

Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but Xanax is her soulmate.

I don’t know…it’s a tossup.

So, what would your tagline be?